“How can I make my heart stop hurting?” is a question that everyone asks after a breakup. The answer is a little complex, because there really is no one way to make your heart stop hurting entirely. The truth of the matter is that most of the healing process is waiting and dealing with the complex emotions of the breakup. Whether it was an amicable breakup where you both left friends or a raging firefight and you’ll never speak to each other again, waiting out this time can be really painful.
If you made the decision or if they did, the decision was made, and now you’re left with a broken heart. One of the first steps you should take is to take a break from your ex for a while. Even in good breakups, the emotions can be pretty raw for a while afterward. Give yourself some healing time to relax and refresh yourself. Being alone for a while will allow you to realize that you are a strong person, that your heart can heal, and that you’re going to be okay. This is a strength born only from solidarity. Take a day off work or a long weekend and allow yourself some alone time. This is a period of identifying who you are without your ex. Relationships tend to make us believe that when we’re with someone, we lose a part of our individuality, so that when they leave we’re no longer a whole person.
Falling in love can be a pain, can’t it? But if you really want the answer to the question “How can I make my heart stop hurting”, then first you need to take some alone time. Second, you need to let out your pent up emotions. For some it’s sadness, and they need to have a good long cry. For some it’s creativity, and they need some means of catharsis like art or writing to let go of those hard feelings. For me, I get angry, and the best solution I’ve found is to work out like a crazy person. Lifting weights, running, biking, hiking, skating, anything to get that bit of adrenaline pumping.
Dealing with pent up emotion will help you fight that part of you that you think is missing and help you rediscover yourself as a whole person. Next, after you’re able to calm yourself and stop aching so much, you need to decide where you go from here. Was this a good relationship? Did it feed you as a person or eat you? Will you be better by forgetting about it or learning from it?
If you can learn something from the relationship, it was valuable and important to you. If it really was a good thing, then you need to make plans to get your ex back. Don’t start talking or following them around, though, this is the planning phase. Making this decision is going to give you back some of your own power.
By not making the choice, you give up everything to your ex, and you’re powerless. Part of restoring your personal power will come from making strong decision, especially if you know they’re good for you. Do what you know is the right thing, even if it hurts to do it. Either way, it’s going to take time to let go of this pain. Be careful not to overindulge yourself in pity, because it can be a killer. Sure, take a little time for ice cream and movies if you need too, but realize that this can only help soothe you to a point. It’s going to take some time and investment in yourself to mend your broken heart. You have to consciously begin that period for it to take it’s greatest effect. Once you’ve finally made that decision, the path to stopping the pain of your broken heart will open up to you. Hearts always heal, and yours will too, but it’s going to take time, effort, and patience on your part. It will also mean you’ll be a bigger, better person for having gone through it. This is really an opportunity to become the kind of person you want to be. Pain is awful, but it’s a great motivator for change.
It helps you by testing your limits, and it makes you stronger. It’s hard to be all alone, I know. These periods are the most heart-wrenching times of your life, but it will get better. And you will be better for it. One thing that will help will be to hold in your mind the image of the person you want to become. It will comfort you when you realize that you have the power to become that person, and you don’t need your ex to make you into it. This image will lead you to new friends, lovers, and experiences. This breakup could be the best thing that ever happened to you, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. Just remember, you’re either becoming more or becoming less by how you choose to respond to situations like these.
So the truth of the matter is the way to make your heart stop hurting is to become more than you were, not less. Grow, and never look back with regret. There’s some amazing things on the horizon for you.
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